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I am beyond shame. The thing is I need HELP and I know it. I’ll get it together soon, I swear. I just need a little support from my friends. Any money donated will go toward rent, food, bills and medical expenses and once I’m financially stable I will buy everyone a round of drinks (if I know you in person, if now you’ll get a virtual round of drinks or something).
easy money?
I signed up for a smoking study at UPenn as a way to make some quick money since no one will give me a job. $200 for 4 visits seemed like a pretty good deal. I just completed visit #2 today and I want to share some things I’ve learned through this so far.
The idea of this study is to see how physical activity impacts cigarette cravings and withdrawls… or something like that. I guess they want to determine if physical activity might be an effective way to help people quit smoking. Whatever, I just need money right now. Basically each visit involves alternating between exercising, smoking, and filling out surveys. Easy enough.
All they did at the first visit was get some demographic information, test my breath to make sure I’m a smoker, get my height/weight, and make me take a urine test to make sure I’m not knocked up. I learned two important things at this visit:
1. I am not as underweight as I thought I was
2. my womb is good and empty, just how I like it. (I knew there was very very slim chance that I was pregnant, but sometimes it just feels good to have that assurance.)
Today I learned that I am really fucking out of shape. I spent five minutes on the elliptical and about one minutes on a stationary bike just to test them out and felt like shit. I had to “play a game” where my reward was either a puff of a cigarette of 1 minute of physical activity. The physical activity “game” was faster so I alternated between that and the smoking “game” and ended up with 5 minutes of activity and 5 drags of a cigarette. So basically I was choosing whether I want to feel like shit because of smoking or because of exercising.
Tomorrow I have to do the exercising part for 20 whole minutes. Might die. I should think about being less of a lazy piece of shit maybe.
My 8 year old sister's advice on boys.
Me: What do you do when you like a boy?
Sister: You tell him.
Me: And if he doesn't like you?
Sister: You kill him.
Perfect.
